This post is about carniverous ants

I made an unfortunate discovery today: ants are carnivores. I found this out the hard way: they were eating chicken in my kitchen sink. Ok, I'll admit it--I was lazy last night and did not want to do the dishes. But I seriously thought ants only went after sugar and syrup and stuff. Boy, was I wrong. I hate ants so much. You'd think I'd be impressed that ants are carnivores because I also hate vegetarianism, but no. I am not impressed. I am disgusted. I made a fortunate discovery today: ants are allergic to Windex.

This post is loosely based on white elephant, aka "YANKEE SWAP!" or "Nasty Christmas"

I went to the Relief Society Christmas party with some lame Dollar Store stationery, and I came home with this:

I'd say the party went just swimmingly... but then again, there was something rather fishy about it. Dah dah chhh!

This post is about IHOP

I'm sorry I just can't use the word "blog" anymore when I know it is wrong. I know I already addressed that. My pride wanted me to let everyone know that I knew it was wrong, so no one would think I was dumb. But now I have reached the point where I am humble enough to repent and change my egregious action. Aka, this is a big day for me, hahaha.

Ok, back to the topic at hand. Last night I went to IHOP. I was pretty excited. It's a good place. Open 24 hours. Not toooo shady. Better than Waffle House because IHOP has waffles, but Waffle House does NOT have pancakes. I used to think that meant that Waffle House sucked. But now after some inward reflection I'm thinking, maybe Waffle House is just true to who he really is, and IHOP is a pansy that succombs to peer pressure and tries to please everyone. Maybe if IHOP wasn't so busy with their international crepes and their balsamic chicken (an actual menu item, although the waitress was convinced it was pronounced "baslamic"), they would spend more time on their pancakes, which are terrible. Seriously, the worst kind of pancakes: the fat ones that soak up all the syrup and turn to mush till it's no longer a pancake, but a mealy syrup cake.

But the worst part about my IHOP experience happened after I left the restaurant. Ok, you know how when you leave certain restaurants, you come out smelling like that food? Well, I kid you not, my sweatshirt literally reeked of grease. Not like bacon or sausage or something semi-pleasant that I could live with. No, just pure grease. It seriously smells like someone deep-fried my sweatshirt. Sigh. I smelled it again this morning, and I fear it is permanent. I am so disgusted that there is no way I am eating the leftover half of my Big Steak Omelette that I brought home.

And you know it's bad when I'm not eating my leftover steak.

This blog is for Santa

Dear Santa,

Here is my Christmas list in no specific order. I'm promise that I have been nice!

• iPod touch
• Xbox
• Guitar Hero
• Arrested Development on DVD
• New Moon soundtrack
• (500) Days of Summer (on DVD Dec. 22nd)
• a locket
• other jewelry
• a display frame for my pins
• a plaid scarf from GAP
• a coat
• a shoe
• iTunes gift card
• day planner
• an engagement ring
• some kind of jalapeno jelly that I can put on top of cream cheese and eat with crackers

All I want is what I have coming to me...all I want is my fair share.

Sincerely yours,

Joriann :)

P.S. What is your favorite cookie?

This blog is about Tyra, Twilight, and tacos.

Tyra Banks is crazy. I'm perusing through television programs today, and I see that Tyra is doing a show on strip clubs. She starts out with a couple that broke up because the loser boyfriend was addicted to strip clubs and spent 50K in 4 months going there. So, Tyra is all, how could you do that? blah, blah, blah, and is gonna make it her personal mission to find out why men do this to women, woman power, etc. Tyra is gonna fight for truth and justice and expose strip clubs for what they really are by going undercover as a... yep, you guessed it, a man. But wait, no, that's not right. Just when you think Tyra is going to say she's going to dress up like a man (cuz that would be your logical thought process), she says that she's going undercover as a...stripper! Um... if you are anti-strip club and think it's degrading, etc. and you just listened to this poor girl talk about how her lame boyfriend is in love with strippers, why in the world are you, a supermodel, going to go undercover as a stripper??? So some creepy guy can fall in love with you too, and see you once and go back for the rest of his life trying to see you again? So basically Tyra really just wanted to know what it would be like to be a stripper and came up with some bogus show so she could get away with it. Needless to say I changed the channel right after she announced what her "cover" would be.

This whole Twilight Saga business is nuts... or should I say the United Blood Services business is nuts? These people are going to have a blood drive at the mall, so you can go give blood before you watch the vampire movie. Hahahahaha. I actually think it is a pretty amazing idea, and I would totally do it, if the blood drive was at the same movie theater that I was going to. They should totally take blood from people necks instead of their arms to go with the vampire theme and all. Plus, they are giving out free New Moon t-shirts if you donate. Basically, I think the whole thing could turn into a fainting fest, except you wouldn't know if people were fainting from giving blood, or fainting from shock the first moment that Jacob or Edward appears on the screen. Ridiculous.

You know what else is ridiculous? The fact that I ordered a fish taco today that was advertised as containing fried halibut, and they brought me a freakin' fish stick with a tortilla around it.

This blog is about how I have been using the word "blog" wrong

So, I figured it out a couple of days ago, but it's too late. Just in case there is someone out there that didn't know, I'm pretty show the website is called a blog, and the individual entries are called "posts." So, I should really be saying "This post is about...," but as I said it's too late. And since the post is on the blog, technically the blog would be about whatever the post is about too, so there. Just wanted to clear that up in case anyone was bothered by it.

This blog is about analogies...well just one analogy

CAJUN TRAIL MIX : ME :: BELLA : EDWARD

Aka. Cajun trail mix is "like my very own brand of heroin".

This blog is about how Urbanspoon got me a new pant

So last night I went on Urbanspoon.com looking for a new place to eat in Baton Rouge. I ended up choosing this Australian place called Dingo's-- all the reviews said that they had great fish tacos, and I have been craving them since I ate some in TX, so... win-win.... or so I thought. We get to the restaurant, and as I'm sliding into my side of the booth, my pant gets caught on a nail and RIPS! So, I immediately see this as an opportunity. I tell the waitress, and she's all, "oh I'm so sorry that happened...what can I get you to drink?" Um... lucky for her face she sent the owner out to see us. He just happened to be so cute and Australian that I almost forgot all about the giant right angle cut into the knee of my pant-- except that I did not forget. Well, he offered to buy me some new pants! Yep, just told me to go buy some new ones, bring in the receipt, and I'd get reimbursed! Which is exactly what he should have done, but still not really what I expected to happen, you know? Did I mention that this was the lamest pant I own, and I was pretty much planning on turning them into exercise-pant-only in like a week? So yeah, that was pretty much the best thing that has happened to me in a while. The whole thing got me thinking about economics... sure, there's no such thing as a free lunch, but there is such thing as a free pant!

This blog is about leftovers

I received a revelation today concerning a topic that has long been on my mind, like for years and years. I now know what my show on the Food Network will be called and what the premise will be. But wait, I am getting ahead of myself. The revelation occurred as I was preparing dinner. Two nights ago, for our dining pleasure, we had spaghetti, tomato sauce, and shrimp. So today I had the ingenious idea to take the spaghetti and shrimp, add some veggies, egg, and teriyaki sauce, and I created a delicious lo mein.

That's when the light bulb went off in the form of two words: Leftovers Makeovers. Picture this: me, on set, in the kitchen, taking leftovers and transforming them into fabulous. But, here's the rub: someone has to make some actual food first. Well, guess what? It's the Food Network, so there are at least nine other shows where someone is making fresh food. So, at the end of, oh let's say "Boy Meets Grill," I take Bobby Flay's steak, walk on to my set, cut it up and throw it in the slow cooker to make a nice stew. I can guest star on everyone else's show and just take their food!

And that is why this blog is about leftovers.

This blog is about why my mom should NOT have a blog

Ok, so it's day two of me having a blog, and the threats have already begun. First, the threat that my mom will READ my blog, which automatically makes my blog less cool. Second, the copycat threat. Now my mother wants a blog too, and she spent an entire car ride to the movies coming up with her own "catchy" title. Here's what she came up with: (keep in mind that her name is Corie) "Rotten to the Cor." Sigh. "Soup du Jor"..."Rotten to the Cor"...c'mon! And she plans on writing about things she dislikes, aka "what's the deal with...?" Seinfeld-esque commentary. But the best part was when she said that all she needed was someone to help her set it up. So... I've come up with a rule: If you need someone to literally sit beside you and walk you through setting up your blog, then you should not have a blog. Who agrees with me?

In other news, my sister has also decided to start a blog, which I am thrilled about! Her title: "You don't know Jac"...and yes, I did come up with that name :)

This blog is about why I decided to start a blog

Some of you may ask, why did Joriann decide to start a blog? Answer 1: Boredom. Answer 2: I'm hoping it may be entertaining. Answer 3: Ashlie and Rachael have one, and theirs are entertaining, so why not me?

Others may ask, where did Joriann come up with that awesome blog title? Well, I will tell you. My first thought was, ok, I have to think of a pun with my name in it. Soup du Jor was actually the first one that came to my mind. Then I came up with several reasons why it was the perfect name. 1. It IS a pun, which is really all I wanted. 2. It's related to food, which anyone who knows me, also knows that food is my passion (Case in point/sidenote: I once had a mission companion tell me that she never had a companion that was always so excited about dinner.). 3. I actually looked up "soup du jour" on Wikipedia, and the phrase, besides meaning "soup of the day," also is "sometimes used as a metaphor for anything currently trendy or fashionable"...I think it goes without saying that these things perfectly describe my blog, haha. So yeah, that's how I came up with the name. And I definitely picked this blog template because I thought it looked like a menu.

Hopefully this explanation gives you a little glimpse into the thought processes of me, Joriann Lynn McGrath, and what a blog written by me will be like! Aka awesome.